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Posts Tagged ‘jokes’

There is an old joke that if you asked Congress to design a mouse, you would get an elephant. But that pales in comparison to what would happen if you asked Obama to slim down the budget:

http://cuteoverload.com/2009/04/17/i-shall-call-him-mini-blorp/#comment-326966

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Called on the Carpet because words matter.

Big Guy just called Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano into his office and really chewed her out. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this mad … ever.

What set him off was a speech Napolitano gave where she referred to terrorist attacks as “man-caused disasters”, and her insistence to the media that going forward this term is what will be used by the Obama Administration to avoid playing the politics of fear.

I’ve never been so proud of Big Guy than when he laid into Janet, telling her “man-caused disasters” was unacceptable under any circumstances. Going forward, we’ll be using “individual-caused disaster” to ensure we fulfill our pledge to our fellow citizens of the world that we will be a gender-neutral Administration.

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Only in America ……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.


Only in America …..do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.


Only in America …..do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.


Only in America …..do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.


Only in America ……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.


Only in America …….do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


EVER WONDER …


Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?


Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?


Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?


Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?




Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?


Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?


Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?




Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?


Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?


Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?


Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?


You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!


Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?




Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?


If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


If flying is so safe,
why do they call the airport the terminal?

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Blagojevich wanted Oprah as Senator!  Then she could broadcast the Oprah Winfrey show live on Cspan! That would be a stupendous improvement over the dogturds, idiots and morons in the House and Senate that now render most of Cspan unwatchable.

Oprah could have congressmen and senators on as her guests and the audience could ask them questions, such as “How did a moron like you get in the Senate?”

Answer: “Girlie, you have the civics IQ of a moron. Everybody else in the world understands that only morons are allowed into the House and Senate. Then we pick the moron who can tell the most lies ina 20 minute speech without laughing, and we make him President of the USA. Grow up girlie.”

And Oprah would comment with her standard facial expression of awe that she expresses at even the worst guests: “Wow! I had no idea the Senate was that complicated! Do you have to go to school for that?”

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Talk about using the fox to guard the chickens! This is humorous, the biggest joke ever on the taxpayers.

Sen. Chris Dodd has been in charge of overseeing Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and the banking system forever. As such he tops the list of government officials getting the loot.

Sen. Dodd is the only Senator who received more Fannie Mae money than Barack Obama, who not by accident, shares Sen. Dodd’s responsibility for overseeing the nation’s financial system.

No wonder Obama wanted to stay out of town while the swindle of a lifetime is being perpetrated on us poor suckers, the taxpayers. He didn’t want the odor to rub off on his Presidential campaign, but the bastard without morals, ethics or compassion is willing to let his good buddies do this crime to us.

He wanted to hide in Florida being coached in foreign affairs while ignoring internal affairs that are destroying our future.

Don’t forget in 2005 Obama sided with Chris Dodd and his contributors at Fannie Mae to kill the Fannie Mae reform legislation proposed by John McCain, and Obama and Dodd are both on the record having voted against McCain’s 2005 reform. 

Just another example of Obama talking change, but in reality supporting the continuation of the good old boys system of corruption. Do not forget Obama was second only to Dodd in cash taken from Fannie mae. Scumbag.

Sen. Dodd is going to enrich all his contributors over his entire career in this, his final act of monumental corruption. Where is CNN bias on this crime of the century. No, the crime of the millenium.

Call every lawmaker you can find a phone, fax or email for, and tell them to kill the bailout.

more on Obama’s failure to help save America at http://ngoldfarb.wordpress.com

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LADIES, BOYCOTT CNN

GET YOUR NEWS ELSEWHERE!!

At 10:38 PM Tuesday September 23, 2008, that cutie little rascal Anderson Cooper, the life love of sweetie lesbian atheist Kathy Griffen (and what does it say of a male loved by lesbians?), ran a picture of Governor Sarah Palin shaking hands with former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger.

America’s newest competitor for “Sexist Pig of the Week” Anderson Cooper gleefully read aloud the caption: “Levitra? No, Mr. Secretary, I said glad to meet ya.”

Think Anderson Cooper will start cracking jokes about Michelle Obama’s big momma fat ass anytime soon?

Or about how Michelle Obama reminds all white people about the angry, abusive and rude black momma behind the counter at the driver’s license bureau, and that is why the Obama campaign has her in hiding until after the election.

CNN would never have permitted telling dirty jokes about Hillary Clinton, even though Mrs. Clinton never achieved being elected Governor in her forties, and who only got elected Senator (at a much older age) on the sole sexist qualification that she had been married to a President.

Governor Palin, on the other hand, has achieved winning her elections solely on her own merits with a blue collar husband, as opposed to an impeached and disbarred lawyer for a husband.

CNN and Anderson Cooper win the prize for being the most politically biased, sexist pigs of the week, an award far more damaging than Keith Olbermann’s Worst Person in the World awards.

CNN now is a pure off-color comedy show, and CNN has no pretense at journalism.

CNN should be registered as a 527 Political organization.

Anderson Cooper should apply for a job as an MC at a stripper bar, which would make better use of his limited talents, since he has none of the qualities required of journalists.

And if Barack Obama is even a little bit honest about Change and a higher level of political dsicourse, Senator Obama should loudly criticise Anderson Cooper and CNN for such anti-feminist, miscogynist behavior.

Yeah, that will happen as soon as Obama stops playing the race card and starts being bipartisan. Hold your breath.

Oops! But Barack Obama has trouble getting white women’s votes because he is a sexist pig who calls us “Sweetie.” Although in fairness, Obama calls us “Sweetie” whether we are factory workers or reporters. So it is not class discrimination, merely sex discrimination when Obama disrespects us.

But then, Muslims disrespect all women.

If that is how the leader behaves, then it follows that his followers like Anderson Cooper and CNN will behave no better.

LADIES, BOYCOTT CNN

BOYCOTT ANDERSON COOPER

there is more at http://ngoldfarb.wordpress.com

BOYCOTT CNN

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Some People Will Do Anything To Win

Some People Will Do Anything To Win

Some People Will Do Anything To Win

Barack Obama’s Plan To Beat Sarah Palin

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